ThreeSixty -

By Ariel Kendall

Growing up, I don’t remember hearing my mom saying “No” very often. Nor did I hear her say, “I’m going to have to pay this all back someday.”

If she had, maybe my siblings and I would have thought more carefully about the difference between our wants and needs. Now, at 18 and on my own, I’m trying to figure that out.

I always felt uneasy about spending money on things I didn’t necessarily need, but like many impulse buys, they were hard to pass by. I always feel a sense of guilt and often get staggering headaches just thinking about money.

Often when the topic comes up I can’t help but get lost in my ignorance about money and wonder what I can do now to benefit my financial life now and in the future. Like many teens my age, I have a hard time keeping track and not spending money, even though it’s hard to come by.

Growing up, even though we qualified for free lunches and other help, we didn’t think of ourselves as poor. All the time my twin sister, younger brother and I were growing up, my mom worked extra hours as a security guard to pay the mortgage and fill our rooms with the toys and clothes we wanted. When I was about 5 or 6, the world was filled with rainbows, unicorns, and huge roses blooming on my new shiny Lisa Frank folders. It was so perfect that I never thought anything bad happened.

I didn’t understand that what our mother spent on us would get her into trouble. We would receive calls from credit unions, credit card agencies. I always thought they were trying to sell products, but most of the time that wasn’t the case.

My mom always hid the fact that she was in debt. She was very poised and never got overly stressed about her financial situation. My mom is a very positive and optimistic person and she never let money get in the way of her happiness. In her eyes, things would always get better and worrying about it did no good.

My mother always felt bad asking for money from us. You could tell by the sound in her voice and by the uneasiness in the room. She always told us that she would pay us back soon, but I knew that wasn’t possible because of the thick stack of bills that piled up next to the door. It amazed me how my mom was able to support us and pay for all the bills by herself.

My father didn’t help. He was a gambler, often commuting to Mystic Lake and coming home late or early in the morning. He was an addict of bad habits. He was a chain smoker and a frequent television watcher, never letting his eyes roll away from the sports channel, even for a family dinner, which rarely came around. This happened while my mother worked day and night.

My father also played the Power Ball and the Gopher 5, and brought home lottery scratch off tickets to do when he was bored. He would always talk about what he would buy us when he won the lottery. When I was 7, my father said that he would buy me anything I wanted when he won the lottery. As you might have guessed, I am still waiting.

From watching my parents, I learned that I need to budget and keep track of my money and write down how much I am spending and on what. Only I can take responsibility for my spending, because in the end, I am the one who is going to be left with bills, interest charges and, well, more bills. I need to have limits, knowing how much I can spend and when I can splurge.